Aug. 7, 2024

Strengthening Family Bonds Through Shared Activities & Open Dialogue

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What if engaging in your child's favorite activities could transform your relationship and foster cooperation? Discover how connecting with kids on their terms can lead to positive behavior and stronger bonds. Join us as we share personal stories and practical strategies for empowering leaders in modern times, highlighting Marc's experiences with his children through anime and walks, and  by playing video games like Elden Ring. Teresa also sheds light on the unexpected benefits video games can have on children's problem-solving skills, confidence, and social interactions. We dive into the challenges of managing screen time and why punitive measures, like taking away devices, can often backfire.

Unlock the secrets to fostering cooperation through understanding and motivation. Listen in as we discuss the importance of open dialogue and finding mutual wins, illustrated by a personal story of using an old Apple Watch to incentivize our host's daughter to wake up early. We explore how children's insights can be incredibly valuable not only at home but in business contexts too. Addressing common parental concerns about the effort required for this approach, we challenge you to reflect on your desired relationship with your children and consider if investing that extra energy is worth creating stronger connections and mutual understanding. This episode aims to inspire you to meet your kids where they are, building a foundation of trust and collaboration.

Chapters

00:00 - Empowering Leaders in Modern Times

09:01 - Empowering Through Dialogue and Connection

Transcript
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It's time to redefine leadership.

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Welcome to Modern Leadership, where we see things differently.

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Our podcast is all about empowering entrepreneurs like you to achieve the next level of success in business and life.

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We believe that you can create a massive impact in the world without compromising your personal life or family time to do so.

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We're committed to providing you with actionable tips and strategies weekly to make that possible.

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So if you're ready to become a modern leader and make a lasting difference in the world, consider subscribing, turn on notifications and dive into our community.

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We want to thank you for being here, because the world needs your leadership now more than ever.

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Let's go.

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What is going on, my people?

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Welcome back to another episode of the Modern Leadership Podcast with Mark and Teresa.

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I was going to say my name.

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Oh, really, I wish I could have said your name and you could have said mine.

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That would have been amazing.

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All right, guys, we're here for another episode.

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We have a really powerful one today, but before we do, today's going to be like a question related to kids, right.

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Powerful one today, but before we do, today's going to be like a question related to kids, right, and this is something that we get.

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I get asked a lot is how do I get my kids to listen to me and do the things that they don't necessarily want to do?

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So I do have some strategies here, but I'm going to have to talk low because if they hear me, then those strategies aren't going to work anymore.

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But one of the things I do want to call out before this is I'm curious, guys, when, when it comes to connecting with your kids, what do you do that they love to do that helps you get more connected with them?

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One of the one of the ways that I especially when I'm coaching people around how to connect with our kids is one of the things I realized is early on is that I was trying to connect with them doing the things that I wanted to do, and it was a total 180 when I was like, well, how do I get myself more involved and do the things that they want to do?

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So that is, you know, for Alyssa's like watching anime and being able to like go on a walk with her and just have her talk the whole entire time like she really loves doing that, and me watching her play one of her games and things like that.

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Right, and by doing that and Teresa, you got really good at this too I've seen recently asking questions about it where I'm like, hey, why, why did that happen?

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How do you get to the next level?

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Like, tell me a little bit about how the system works there?

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And and they get really into it.

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And it just creates this connection where they're more open to doing the.

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What we're going to be talking about here today, doing the things that maybe they don't necessarily love to do, but they're open to it because we're meeting them where they are.

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Um, with my son, it's video games, which, by the way, I want to hear, like, for all my gamers that are out there willing to play video games with their kids.

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What do you guys play?

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So right now?

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Um, we're playing elden ring and, by the way, my son is a genius when it comes to any game.

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He will remember every single detail from like three months ago, of like when he went through like this special dungeon.

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He's like oh, you got to jump over here and you got to do this.

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I'm like what in the world can we use this for school?

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That would be amazing.

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Just a side note on that, because you know how there's like this stigma with, like kids playing video games and like the way their behavior or their academic academics, I, I like really think that we were focused more on helping them figure out their interests and what it is that they like and what you know bring some joy.

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And we really leaned into that and with with Andrew, it was the video games, right, and we had a hard time at the beginning with him and video games and his anger and things like that.

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But the fact that we, you know, allow him to play video games he doesn't play all the time, right, but he does really enjoy that and he really he really enjoys playing with you as well but it hasn't affected him in a negative way, like at all.

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In fact, it actually helps him and I know there's studies out there.

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It's helped him process things and, you know, really learning, like even playing with other people and interactions and socializing and things like that.

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So I think that sometimes we feel like we're not doing parenting right when we're letting our kids do whatever, but you know it's, it just takes work to kind of figure that out.

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Yeah, yeah, by the way, we are not going to edit this podcast at all, just so you guys know, because we want this to be like as as real as possible.

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Um, but one of the things you were saying while, while, um, you were coming up with that, uh, having to do with, like, screen time, I I hear a lot of parents who, um, what's the word?

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Not punish, but like, um, yeah, kind of like punish their kids by taking away screen time, and yet that's the biggest punishment for the, for the parents.

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So we got to really think that through before we actually do that.

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Um, but, yes, 100% I definitely agree with you when it comes to not only the processing skills and the figuring out problems and solving things that he does inside of the video game.

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It actually helps him with confidence even outside of the video game, which I really like.

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But also I like having a partner who can help me through those things, because I was a big video gamer for a long time.

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That's the reason why I got to be 100 pounds overweight was because I was spending so much time playing those video games.

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Um, but, yes, we're kind of getting off track.

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What video games do you play with your kids.

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So for me it's elden ring.

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We play arc survival ascended, and he likes fortnite.

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I don't really like it too much anymore.

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Um, that's what I got going on.

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And, by the way, don't ask theresa to play a game what are those games called?

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Where you're like the, you're like the, the, the ship, the spaceship and you're like shooting things, because she takes it super serious.

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I don't.

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I don't do video games very well.

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Because I think it's like you bring it to real life and you're like so stressed and so OK anyway.

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So how do we get our kids to listen and do the things they want to do?

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So what do you think?

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Yeah, I think it's about reframing that right.

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You're not going to get anywhere if you're thinking I need them to listen to me, I need them to do this for me.

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I think it's more about, like how you said earlier, it's like how do you connect with them in a different way?

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If you connect with your kids and of course, I'm just got to say we are not perfect parents whatsoever.

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We are, we are just no, we are stumbling our way through this and it, you know it just gets different and more difficult as they get older.

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But it's really about just finding that connect, connection with them, and then they'll feel, you know, more comfortable and willing to, you know, to meet you halfway.

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Basically.

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I like that because it's kind of like you're setting them up right.

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You're like, if you're asking them to do something for you right now and you haven't set them up by, you know you connecting with them and doing things that they want to do and really preparing it, like coming in to today, like what I'm about to share with you, like a tactic around it is not going to work, right, because I'm like what's going on?

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What are you trying to do here?

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Right?

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So, definitely setting it up when it comes to taking the time, taking the energy Right and being able to connect with them on a deeper level, doing the things they want to do really helps them meet you halfway right Now.

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There's also going to be times when they're not going to meet you halfway at all.

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It's just a matter of it, right?

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Especially when, as we get like teenage kids, like that happens more often than when they were younger.

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But one of the things I do want to share is actual strategy to be able to help get your kids and guide them in a certain path, right.

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So we teach this.

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Inside of some of the programs that we teach, it's called the belief bridge.

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This is kind of like the theory behind it is you are on one side of the bridge, meaning you want something.

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They're on the other side of the bridge, meaning they want something else.

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Right, the beautiful place and I'm going to give you a real quick synopsis the beautiful place is where you can both win and you both get what you want, but you, as the communicator, you want to focus on what they want, not what you want.

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So, I mean, one of the perfect examples is, let's say, actually, this is an example of Alyssa.

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So she was struggling with getting up early to get ready for school and, and we were like always rushing Right, and so, when we were struggling with getting her up, we were like, ok, we're going to give her this and we're going to give her this.

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And oh, that didn't work.

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Ok, so we're going to take away this.

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Then, if you don't wake up and take away this and then, just, she was just upset all the time, right, it was like this is not working, and so, instead, as I actually asked her, right, and so the one of the best things you could do is you can go to the source and ask them what they want, basically, and so I was like, hey, listen, like um, I know that you're struggling with getting up in the morning.

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It kind of like seems to be putting you in a bad mood.

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You don't have enough time to eat.

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Then you get out, you go to school and you're upset, you're frustrated and, like you do, you think we could do to make it so that you would want to get out of bed and you would be energized to do that and you would start off your day on the right foot.

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One of the things that she came up with, which is something I'd never thought about, was, like you know, mommy used to have that old Apple Watch and I would really like to track my steps.

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If I had that, I would be willing to wake up, and so I said, ok, here's the plan before seven, and then you get out of bed at before 7, 15, 7, 15, 7, 30 I forget what it was the, the, the watch, will be waiting for you, fully charged, ready to go.

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If you don't, you can't wear the watch that day.

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Does that sound like a plan?

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And she was like absolutely that sounds like a plan.

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And I remember for solid weeks that actually worked, until she didn't like the apple watch anymore and until she got a little bit older and she really didn't want to wake up anymore, and so we had to figure out a different way of getting her up, by figuring out what is it that she wants.

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Now this works in multitude of different ways.

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Multitude, yeah.

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Multiple, multiple, lots of ways.

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Okay.

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No editing, kurt, no editing, okay.

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So it's just about thinking about what do I want, what do they want, and how do I lean into what they want and show them that the path to get it is through what I want.

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It's kind of like a way of like thinking about it, right?

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Let me ask you this how is that not manipulation?

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Oh, because you both win, because you both win Cause I'm not saying I'm going to convince you to do what I do.

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I'm saying the road through where, like you want to go, as long as we both win, then we can both win in this situation.

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Right, and I'm not, I'm not covert about it, I'm not like pretending like they don't have to do this.

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And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, now you got to do this.

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I'm like, hey, this is the, this is what we've got.

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And when I, when I put it on them and give them the opportunity to make a decision or not, because she's like, no, I'm not interested in that, then I'm like, ok, let's keep looking.

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Right, and it was my willingness to be able to keep trying things until they worked, because that wasn't the first time we tried it.

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I mean, we talked about it or four or five, six different times and it didn't work Right, mostly because I was thinking about what do I take away from her, what do I give to her, without even asking her what that is.

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I think it's more about or less about telling them what to do and more about having an open dialogue and letting them be.

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You know, get the buy in, right, yeah, they actually come up with so many different ideas and strategies and suggestions that we would have never done on our own, even in our business.

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Like, we've brought things to them about, like YouTube or whatever, and they're like oh, hey, I think you should do this, this and this.

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And this is like oh, I think you should do this with the, the thumbnail, and I'm like what in the world?

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Because they're literally consuming it.

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Right, they know what gets people's attention and all that stuff, right, so being able to go to that source is such a huge, huge deal.

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Now I want to end with one thing, and that is I come across a lot of parents that I'm coaching that are like man, that seems like a lot of extra energy.

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Why do I have to put in that extra energy?

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Whether I didn't have that as a kid, or my parents would just tell me to do this and I had to do this, or or else, and that worked for me.

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Um, couple things.

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Number one is like, when you think about like, being able to excel in both of these areas and the fact that this creates more connection with you and your kids and everybody gets what they want, I have to ask you is it worth it to you to do that?

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The answer is I don't know.

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I mean, because it's you you have to make a decision.

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If you're like, no, this is not worth it, I just want to just tell them what to do, then that's okay.

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I'm okay with that.

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As a coach, I don't want to force anybody to do anything, it's just.

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This is how we become the best versions of ourselves.

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Is we ask ourselves, how do we best want to show up?

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And if you don't want to show up like when you grew up and the relationship that you had with your parents, was that the relationship that you want to have into the future?

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Right?

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So if we think about that and we're like I just want to be exactly like my parents are, I want you to stop and think about, like, did I have the relationship with my parents that I wanted to?

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And if the answer is yes, you're like, hey, I want to lean into that, then I'm all for it.

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But if you're like I want something different.

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I want to change the way that, like, the generations of my lineage changed forever, because I'm willing to lean in and to find a different way to do that.

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And if that's it.

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Lean in, ask your kids, figure out like what is it that they want, identify what it is that you want and then figure out how you can actually excel at it.

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All Sound good, yep, all right.

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Guys.

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Appreciate you for making it to the end of another episode.

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Love to hear your feedback on this one.

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Whether you're inside the app, you leave us a rating review or you click on that send us a text message, we would love to hear what your thoughts are about this one.

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We appreciate you for always being willing to lean in and to have these conversations and continuing to be the best version of you, which is what your business, the world and you really do deserve.

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So thank you very much for leading from the front and we'll see you in the next episode.