Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.381 --> 00:00:02.548
It's time to redefine leadership.
00:00:02.548 --> 00:00:05.846
Welcome to Modern Leadership, where we see things differently.
00:00:05.846 --> 00:00:12.289
Our podcast is all about empowering entrepreneurs like you to achieve the next level of success in business and life.
00:00:12.289 --> 00:00:18.746
We believe that you can create a massive impact in the world without compromising your personal life or family time to do so.
00:00:19.260 --> 00:00:23.969
We're committed to providing you with actionable tips and strategies weekly to make that possible.
00:00:23.969 --> 00:00:32.929
So if you're ready to become a modern leader and make a lasting difference in the world, consider subscribing, turn on notifications and dive into our community.
00:00:32.929 --> 00:00:37.990
We want to thank you for being here, because the world needs your leadership now more than ever.
00:00:37.990 --> 00:00:38.932
Let's go.
00:00:43.320 --> 00:00:44.343
What is going on, my people?
00:00:44.343 --> 00:00:49.234
Welcome back to another episode of the Modern Leadership Podcast with Mark and Teresa.
00:00:50.322 --> 00:00:51.326
I was going to say my name.
00:00:51.566 --> 00:00:54.865
Oh, really, I wish I could have said your name and you could have said mine.
00:00:54.865 --> 00:00:56.210
That would have been amazing.
00:00:56.210 --> 00:00:59.088
All right, guys, we're here for another episode.
00:00:59.088 --> 00:01:05.012
We have a really powerful one today, but before we do, today's going to be like a question related to kids, right.
00:01:05.012 --> 00:01:12.385
Powerful one today, but before we do, today's going to be like a question related to kids, right, and this is something that we get.
00:01:12.406 --> 00:01:15.575
I get asked a lot is how do I get my kids to listen to me and do the things that they don't necessarily want to do?
00:01:15.575 --> 00:01:21.542
So I do have some strategies here, but I'm going to have to talk low because if they hear me, then those strategies aren't going to work anymore.
00:01:21.542 --> 00:01:34.596
But one of the things I do want to call out before this is I'm curious, guys, when, when it comes to connecting with your kids, what do you do that they love to do that helps you get more connected with them?
00:01:34.596 --> 00:01:50.846
One of the one of the ways that I especially when I'm coaching people around how to connect with our kids is one of the things I realized is early on is that I was trying to connect with them doing the things that I wanted to do, and it was a total 180 when I was like, well, how do I get myself more involved and do the things that they want to do?
00:01:50.846 --> 00:02:02.025
So that is, you know, for Alyssa's like watching anime and being able to like go on a walk with her and just have her talk the whole entire time like she really loves doing that, and me watching her play one of her games and things like that.
00:02:02.025 --> 00:02:10.424
Right, and by doing that and Teresa, you got really good at this too I've seen recently asking questions about it where I'm like, hey, why, why did that happen?
00:02:10.424 --> 00:02:11.667
How do you get to the next level?
00:02:11.667 --> 00:02:13.502
Like, tell me a little bit about how the system works there?
00:02:13.502 --> 00:02:15.927
And and they get really into it.
00:02:15.927 --> 00:02:19.862
And it just creates this connection where they're more open to doing the.
00:02:19.883 --> 00:02:25.491
What we're going to be talking about here today, doing the things that maybe they don't necessarily love to do, but they're open to it because we're meeting them where they are.
00:02:25.491 --> 00:02:34.024
Um, with my son, it's video games, which, by the way, I want to hear, like, for all my gamers that are out there willing to play video games with their kids.
00:02:34.024 --> 00:02:35.687
What do you guys play?
00:02:35.687 --> 00:02:37.090
So right now?
00:02:37.090 --> 00:02:42.489
Um, we're playing elden ring and, by the way, my son is a genius when it comes to any game.
00:02:42.489 --> 00:02:48.406
He will remember every single detail from like three months ago, of like when he went through like this special dungeon.
00:02:48.406 --> 00:02:50.227
He's like oh, you got to jump over here and you got to do this.
00:02:50.227 --> 00:02:52.884
I'm like what in the world can we use this for school?
00:02:52.884 --> 00:02:53.728
That would be amazing.
00:02:53.800 --> 00:03:19.649
Just a side note on that, because you know how there's like this stigma with, like kids playing video games and like the way their behavior or their academic academics, I, I like really think that we were focused more on helping them figure out their interests and what it is that they like and what you know bring some joy.
00:03:19.949 --> 00:03:29.508
And we really leaned into that and with with Andrew, it was the video games, right, and we had a hard time at the beginning with him and video games and his anger and things like that.
00:03:29.508 --> 00:03:48.502
But the fact that we, you know, allow him to play video games he doesn't play all the time, right, but he does really enjoy that and he really he really enjoys playing with you as well but it hasn't affected him in a negative way, like at all.
00:03:48.502 --> 00:03:52.192
In fact, it actually helps him and I know there's studies out there.
00:03:52.192 --> 00:04:03.086
It's helped him process things and, you know, really learning, like even playing with other people and interactions and socializing and things like that.
00:04:03.086 --> 00:04:17.894
So I think that sometimes we feel like we're not doing parenting right when we're letting our kids do whatever, but you know it's, it just takes work to kind of figure that out.
00:04:18.175 --> 00:04:25.160
Yeah, yeah, by the way, we are not going to edit this podcast at all, just so you guys know, because we want this to be like as as real as possible.
00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:36.533
Um, but one of the things you were saying while, while, um, you were coming up with that, uh, having to do with, like, screen time, I I hear a lot of parents who, um, what's the word?
00:04:36.533 --> 00:04:45.387
Not punish, but like, um, yeah, kind of like punish their kids by taking away screen time, and yet that's the biggest punishment for the, for the parents.
00:04:45.387 --> 00:04:49.451
So we got to really think that through before we actually do that.
00:04:49.451 --> 00:05:00.509
Um, but, yes, 100% I definitely agree with you when it comes to not only the processing skills and the figuring out problems and solving things that he does inside of the video game.
00:05:00.509 --> 00:05:05.406
It actually helps him with confidence even outside of the video game, which I really like.
00:05:05.406 --> 00:05:11.827
But also I like having a partner who can help me through those things, because I was a big video gamer for a long time.
00:05:11.827 --> 00:05:16.504
That's the reason why I got to be 100 pounds overweight was because I was spending so much time playing those video games.
00:05:16.504 --> 00:05:18.728
Um, but, yes, we're kind of getting off track.
00:05:19.115 --> 00:05:21.744
What video games do you play with your kids.
00:05:21.744 --> 00:05:22.827
So for me it's elden ring.
00:05:22.827 --> 00:05:26.918
We play arc survival ascended, and he likes fortnite.
00:05:26.918 --> 00:05:28.262
I don't really like it too much anymore.
00:05:28.262 --> 00:05:30.507
Um, that's what I got going on.
00:05:30.507 --> 00:05:34.661
And, by the way, don't ask theresa to play a game what are those games called?
00:05:34.661 --> 00:05:42.620
Where you're like the, you're like the, the, the ship, the spaceship and you're like shooting things, because she takes it super serious.
00:05:43.242 --> 00:05:43.483
I don't.
00:05:43.483 --> 00:05:44.927
I don't do video games very well.
00:05:46.156 --> 00:05:50.915
Because I think it's like you bring it to real life and you're like so stressed and so OK anyway.
00:05:50.915 --> 00:05:54.677
So how do we get our kids to listen and do the things they want to do?
00:05:54.677 --> 00:05:55.819
So what do you think?
00:05:56.298 --> 00:05:59.141
Yeah, I think it's about reframing that right.
00:05:59.141 --> 00:06:05.466
You're not going to get anywhere if you're thinking I need them to listen to me, I need them to do this for me.
00:06:05.466 --> 00:06:11.149
I think it's more about, like how you said earlier, it's like how do you connect with them in a different way?
00:06:11.149 --> 00:06:23.396
If you connect with your kids and of course, I'm just got to say we are not perfect parents whatsoever.
00:06:23.396 --> 00:06:27.487
We are, we are just no, we are stumbling our way through this and it, you know it just gets different and more difficult as they get older.
00:06:27.487 --> 00:06:45.745
But it's really about just finding that connect, connection with them, and then they'll feel, you know, more comfortable and willing to, you know, to meet you halfway.
00:06:45.745 --> 00:06:46.247
Basically.
00:06:47.148 --> 00:06:49.980
I like that because it's kind of like you're setting them up right.
00:06:49.980 --> 00:07:06.459
You're like, if you're asking them to do something for you right now and you haven't set them up by, you know you connecting with them and doing things that they want to do and really preparing it, like coming in to today, like what I'm about to share with you, like a tactic around it is not going to work, right, because I'm like what's going on?
00:07:06.459 --> 00:07:07.502
What are you trying to do here?
00:07:07.502 --> 00:07:07.764
Right?
00:07:07.764 --> 00:07:18.697
So, definitely setting it up when it comes to taking the time, taking the energy Right and being able to connect with them on a deeper level, doing the things they want to do really helps them meet you halfway right Now.
00:07:18.697 --> 00:07:21.040
There's also going to be times when they're not going to meet you halfway at all.
00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:23.040
It's just a matter of it, right?
00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:28.845
Especially when, as we get like teenage kids, like that happens more often than when they were younger.
00:07:28.845 --> 00:07:36.444
But one of the things I do want to share is actual strategy to be able to help get your kids and guide them in a certain path, right.
00:07:36.865 --> 00:07:38.327
So we teach this.
00:07:38.327 --> 00:07:42.117
Inside of some of the programs that we teach, it's called the belief bridge.
00:07:42.117 --> 00:07:48.100
This is kind of like the theory behind it is you are on one side of the bridge, meaning you want something.
00:07:48.100 --> 00:07:51.255
They're on the other side of the bridge, meaning they want something else.
00:07:51.255 --> 00:08:04.490
Right, the beautiful place and I'm going to give you a real quick synopsis the beautiful place is where you can both win and you both get what you want, but you, as the communicator, you want to focus on what they want, not what you want.
00:08:05.151 --> 00:08:10.029
So, I mean, one of the perfect examples is, let's say, actually, this is an example of Alyssa.
00:08:10.029 --> 00:08:21.406
So she was struggling with getting up early to get ready for school and, and we were like always rushing Right, and so, when we were struggling with getting her up, we were like, ok, we're going to give her this and we're going to give her this.
00:08:21.406 --> 00:08:22.798
And oh, that didn't work.
00:08:22.798 --> 00:08:24.101
Ok, so we're going to take away this.
00:08:24.101 --> 00:08:43.105
Then, if you don't wake up and take away this and then, just, she was just upset all the time, right, it was like this is not working, and so, instead, as I actually asked her, right, and so the one of the best things you could do is you can go to the source and ask them what they want, basically, and so I was like, hey, listen, like um, I know that you're struggling with getting up in the morning.
00:08:43.105 --> 00:08:45.198
It kind of like seems to be putting you in a bad mood.
00:08:45.198 --> 00:08:46.243
You don't have enough time to eat.
00:08:46.243 --> 00:09:00.059
Then you get out, you go to school and you're upset, you're frustrated and, like you do, you think we could do to make it so that you would want to get out of bed and you would be energized to do that and you would start off your day on the right foot.
00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:10.533
One of the things that she came up with, which is something I'd never thought about, was, like you know, mommy used to have that old Apple Watch and I would really like to track my steps.
00:09:10.533 --> 00:09:31.735
If I had that, I would be willing to wake up, and so I said, ok, here's the plan before seven, and then you get out of bed at before 7, 15, 7, 15, 7, 30 I forget what it was the, the, the watch, will be waiting for you, fully charged, ready to go.
00:09:31.735 --> 00:09:33.701
If you don't, you can't wear the watch that day.
00:09:33.701 --> 00:09:34.664
Does that sound like a plan?
00:09:34.664 --> 00:09:36.910
And she was like absolutely that sounds like a plan.
00:09:36.910 --> 00:09:50.475
And I remember for solid weeks that actually worked, until she didn't like the apple watch anymore and until she got a little bit older and she really didn't want to wake up anymore, and so we had to figure out a different way of getting her up, by figuring out what is it that she wants.
00:09:51.539 --> 00:09:54.467
Now this works in multitude of different ways.
00:09:54.467 --> 00:09:55.691
Multitude, yeah.
00:09:55.691 --> 00:09:58.764
Multiple, multiple, lots of ways.
00:09:58.764 --> 00:10:00.229
Okay.
00:10:00.229 --> 00:10:02.461
No editing, kurt, no editing, okay.
00:10:02.461 --> 00:10:12.163
So it's just about thinking about what do I want, what do they want, and how do I lean into what they want and show them that the path to get it is through what I want.
00:10:12.163 --> 00:10:16.120
It's kind of like a way of like thinking about it, right?
00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:21.572
Let me ask you this how is that not manipulation?
00:10:21.899 --> 00:10:27.942
Oh, because you both win, because you both win Cause I'm not saying I'm going to convince you to do what I do.
00:10:27.942 --> 00:10:35.645
I'm saying the road through where, like you want to go, as long as we both win, then we can both win in this situation.
00:10:35.645 --> 00:10:40.643
Right, and I'm not, I'm not covert about it, I'm not like pretending like they don't have to do this.
00:10:40.643 --> 00:10:42.384
And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, now you got to do this.
00:10:42.384 --> 00:10:45.149
I'm like, hey, this is the, this is what we've got.
00:10:45.149 --> 00:10:52.044
And when I, when I put it on them and give them the opportunity to make a decision or not, because she's like, no, I'm not interested in that, then I'm like, ok, let's keep looking.
00:10:52.044 --> 00:10:59.025
Right, and it was my willingness to be able to keep trying things until they worked, because that wasn't the first time we tried it.
00:10:59.025 --> 00:11:09.777
I mean, we talked about it or four or five, six different times and it didn't work Right, mostly because I was thinking about what do I take away from her, what do I give to her, without even asking her what that is.
00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:19.327
I think it's more about or less about telling them what to do and more about having an open dialogue and letting them be.
00:11:19.368 --> 00:11:28.662
You know, get the buy in, right, yeah, they actually come up with so many different ideas and strategies and suggestions that we would have never done on our own, even in our business.
00:11:28.662 --> 00:11:31.719
Like, we've brought things to them about, like YouTube or whatever, and they're like oh, hey, I think you should do this, this and this.
00:11:31.719 --> 00:11:35.870
And this is like oh, I think you should do this with the, the thumbnail, and I'm like what in the world?
00:11:35.870 --> 00:11:37.682
Because they're literally consuming it.
00:11:37.682 --> 00:11:44.613
Right, they know what gets people's attention and all that stuff, right, so being able to go to that source is such a huge, huge deal.
00:11:44.613 --> 00:11:53.842
Now I want to end with one thing, and that is I come across a lot of parents that I'm coaching that are like man, that seems like a lot of extra energy.
00:11:53.842 --> 00:11:56.629
Why do I have to put in that extra energy?
00:11:56.629 --> 00:12:03.371
Whether I didn't have that as a kid, or my parents would just tell me to do this and I had to do this, or or else, and that worked for me.
00:12:03.371 --> 00:12:04.783
Um, couple things.
00:12:04.783 --> 00:12:19.461
Number one is like, when you think about like, being able to excel in both of these areas and the fact that this creates more connection with you and your kids and everybody gets what they want, I have to ask you is it worth it to you to do that?
00:12:19.461 --> 00:12:21.225
The answer is I don't know.
00:12:21.225 --> 00:12:23.631
I mean, because it's you you have to make a decision.
00:12:23.631 --> 00:12:28.071
If you're like, no, this is not worth it, I just want to just tell them what to do, then that's okay.
00:12:28.071 --> 00:12:29.000
I'm okay with that.
00:12:29.201 --> 00:12:32.068
As a coach, I don't want to force anybody to do anything, it's just.
00:12:32.068 --> 00:12:41.125
This is how we become the best versions of ourselves.
00:12:41.125 --> 00:12:43.888
Is we ask ourselves, how do we best want to show up?
00:12:43.888 --> 00:12:52.034
And if you don't want to show up like when you grew up and the relationship that you had with your parents, was that the relationship that you want to have into the future?
00:12:52.034 --> 00:12:52.455
Right?
00:12:52.455 --> 00:13:01.684
So if we think about that and we're like I just want to be exactly like my parents are, I want you to stop and think about, like, did I have the relationship with my parents that I wanted to?
00:13:01.684 --> 00:13:03.568
And if the answer is yes, you're like, hey, I want to lean into that, then I'm all for it.
00:13:03.568 --> 00:13:05.113
But if you're like I want something different.
00:13:05.113 --> 00:13:13.505
I want to change the way that, like, the generations of my lineage changed forever, because I'm willing to lean in and to find a different way to do that.
00:13:13.505 --> 00:13:14.142
And if that's it.
00:13:14.142 --> 00:13:23.808
Lean in, ask your kids, figure out like what is it that they want, identify what it is that you want and then figure out how you can actually excel at it.
00:13:23.889 --> 00:13:25.852
All Sound good, yep, all right.
00:13:25.852 --> 00:13:25.993
Guys.
00:13:25.993 --> 00:13:28.826
Appreciate you for making it to the end of another episode.
00:13:28.826 --> 00:13:30.652
Love to hear your feedback on this one.
00:13:30.652 --> 00:13:37.509
Whether you're inside the app, you leave us a rating review or you click on that send us a text message, we would love to hear what your thoughts are about this one.
00:13:37.509 --> 00:13:47.456
We appreciate you for always being willing to lean in and to have these conversations and continuing to be the best version of you, which is what your business, the world and you really do deserve.
00:13:47.456 --> 00:13:50.552
So thank you very much for leading from the front and we'll see you in the next episode.