July 4, 2024
From Self-Doubt to Success: Nicholle's Inspirational Journey
What happens when self-doubt and negative self-talk infiltrate your journey as a leader? In this special live coaching episode, we meet Nicolle, a life and performance coach who shares her deeply personal battle with these obstacles, revealing how they have shaped her leadership path. We'll uncover the insidious nature of overthinking, especially during critical moments, and pivot towards strategies that cultivate confidence and emphasize learning over perceived failure. Nicolle’s candid reflections serve as a powerful reminder that every step, even the shaky ones, contributes to our growth as leaders.
Stepping out of your comfort zone can feel like walking on a tightrope. Nicolle and Marc open up about the paralyzing fear of reaching out, whether it’s connecting with potential mentors or simply engaging in new conversations. By distinguishing between the "head voice" that holds us back and the "heart voice" that propels us forward, we highlight the importance of listening to the latter. It's a raw and real discussion about shedding the need for validation and embracing the discomfort that accompanies growth, pushing us closer to our true potential.
Imagine losing 130 pounds and the profound shifts that follow. Nicolle’s transformative journey, inspired by a deep desire to be there for her children, underscores the power of finding a meaningful motivator. This episode explores how such personal triumphs can translate into professional superpowers, offering inspiration and creating lasting impact. As we discuss the essence of true leadership, especially in the face of adversity, Nicolle’s story stands as a testament to resilience, dedication, and the remarkable changes that come from aligning our actions with our core values. Join us for an episode filled with stories of perseverance, empowerment, and the relentless pursuit of growth.
Chapters
00:00 - Overcoming Self-Doubt in Leadership
11:43 - Overcoming Fear of Reaching Out
19:33 - Finding Empowerment Through Transformation
32:39 - Dedication and Growth in Leadership
Transcript
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It's time to redefine leadership.
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Welcome to Modern Leadership, where we see things differently.
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Our podcast is all about empowering entrepreneurs like you to achieve the next level of success in business and life.
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We believe that you can create a massive impact in the world without compromising your personal life or family time to do so.
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We're committed to providing you with actionable tips and strategies weekly to make that possible.
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So if you're ready to become a modern leader and make a lasting difference in the world, consider subscribing, turn on notifications and dive into our community.
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We want to thank you for being here, because the world needs your leadership now more than ever.
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Let's go.
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All right guys, welcome back.
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Welcome back to another episode of Modern Leadership, the podcast and on YouTube.
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So we've been doing something recently with some really powerful inner circle members.
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So we have a program inside of our YouTube called the Inner Circle Program and as a part of that, you get an opportunity to come on and be coached by me or Teresa.
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Today we have a really powerful life and performance coach, Nicole.
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She was just talking to me about all the great things that are happening in her business.
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Super proud of her.
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She's like leaning into her confidence, getting to coach people and really effectively being able to change their lives.
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But we as coaches and just us humans as general, especially as leaders, we have things that we personally struggle with, and so what we're going to be doing is bringing some people here onto the podcast and onto the YouTube to really help coach them through something they're struggling with.
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And what I found is like oftentimes, when we see other people getting coached through things, it actually helps us get coached through the process ourselves because we can see ourselves in their shoes.
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So, Nicole, thank you so much for being part of the inner circle, but also for being here and being willing to lean in and get coached.
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So welcome to the show, my friend.
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Thanks, yeah, for sure, for sure.
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Yes, oh, thank you.
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I know we had some technical difficulties.
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We'll just, we'll call it up to Mark pushed the wrong button, but it's okay, it's all good.
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So I want to talk about, like, anything that you're currently, whether it's something you're struggling with, something that you want some help with, anything that I can specifically do or that we can walk through today that you can get some coaching on.
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So what comes up for you?
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Well, as you know, I've been struggling with just continuing to get in my own way, continuing to not have the self-belief that I can do this, because other things I have done in the past have not been successful.
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So I kind of get in my own way and then I kind of shy away when things aren't going the way I think they're supposed to go.
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So that's kind of where I'm struggling with.
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Well, I appreciate you for leaning in and for having this conversation.
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I also know that a lot of people are going to really connect with this, so here's what I kind of want to start off with, and that is to like start by defining a little bit about.
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You said continuing to get in your own way.
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So can you give me an example of when you quote unquote got in your own way recently?
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Like tell me about a time when that actually happened recently?
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I would have to say like when I kind of prepare for calls or prepare to do a post, it's always in the back of my mind like this is not going to work Because it hasn't worked before.
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So why am I doing it now?
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Why am I spending so much time?
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Who is actually watching?
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Same people watch all the time.
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I'm not getting any new engagement.
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Am I really helping anybody?
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Or is this just something that I am supposed to do and I'm doing it and like I just want to see more people, I want to help more people.
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So then I start overthinking it and then I end up just kind of being like whatever, kind of putting something out quickly, or even not putting something out at all, or even when I get on a call, I kind of be like, okay, I hope I can help, and then I start thinking about it and then not really paying attention to what they're saying.
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Yeah.
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All those things just in the back of my mind.
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Yeah, yeah, um.
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It like you kind of take me as a thinker and I know you said overthinker, that's the negative part of being a thinker, but there's a lot of positives to being a thinker too, all right.
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But your brain doesn't want to focus on that, right, it wants to focus on all the reasons why overthinking.
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And I mean you gave me like six or seven different stories, but it's kind of one of those things where if you, if you're an overthinker, you'll have a situation come up where you're like, oh, I'm preparing for a call, all right, so, thinking about the last time you prepared for a call, you start getting prepared for the call and your brain's like, hmm, let me pick one of these voices that I could talk to Nicole and trick her into thinking that she's not going to have a good session or something's going to go wrong or why is she wasting her time?
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And it's going to pick one of those.
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Now, when you said, like you said, this is not going to work.
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It hasn't worked before.
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Why am I spending so much time on this?
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Who is actually watching?
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Am I really helping?
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Like, is there one that kind of like sounds like it comes up more often, or is like, let's just say like the more powerful one.
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That kind of like prevents you from stepping into it.
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Just that I haven't been successful before, like, like it just never seems to work out the way I feel like it should work out.
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Um, and then I just again get in my head and I'm like this again is another thing that I try.
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That is not working yeah I've tried so many things over the many years.
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Nothing actually ends up working.
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And then and then now I'm just like at the point where is anything going to work?
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Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing with my nine to five teaching job?
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Is this like a what?
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What am I supposed to do?
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I don't want to that feeling anymore of not being successful and what I'm putting myself into.
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Right, right, okay, so.
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So let's do this.
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You gave me a bunch of things that I'm I'm going to.
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I want to work through one, but I actually am going to come back to this a little bit later because I want to show you, like, what your brain is actually doing.
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But one of the ones that you said is, like I haven't been successful before.
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Okay, so when you are preparing for a call, right, and if you can even think about a very specific time you're preparing for a call, it'll make it easier, so we can go through, like this push method, right.
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But when you're actually preparing for a call and you have this thought in the back of your mind but I haven't been successful before, like how does that make you feel?
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Defeated Okay.
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And when you feel defeated, what are some things that you do in that moment as you're preparing for the call?
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I buffer, I do a lot of like, other things Like what, like go and clean, because that's what I do and I don't feel like doing anything.
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I like to clean and organize and I love to create content, so I'll do that because that feels good and I will do everything to avoid the preparation, I guess, or the thought of me not doing a good job.
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I guess I just look for validation.
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Maybe I look for validation and sometimes, when I don't get the validation that I am seeking for, the expectation that I have of myself, that's when I'm just like, it's just like I butt heads with myself.
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Right, Right, and when you say validation, you're looking for validation.
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Like.
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What do you mean by that?
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I feel like all my life I have been seeking approval of everyone around me.
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I'm very much a comparison person.
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I compare myself to everyone.
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I'm very much perfectionist and I tend to be an overachiever.
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So when things don't work out in my favor, it it doesn't, it's not a good thing for me okay.
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Okay now, um, we talked about the things that you did do, right and, um, it kind of sounds like, because you're a perfectionist, you're an overachiever, that this stuff kind of like you just spin in that stuff for a while, especially when it comes to, like, looking for validation.
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But what are some things that you don't do?
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When you feel defeated, because you're preparing and you have that story of like, but this has never worked in the past, and you feel defeated.
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What are some things that you don't do?
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I don't take the actions that I need to.
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Like what.
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Like go through my tracker and connect with people and engage with people and look for new people to talk to and, you know, reach out to those who have actually maybe engaged or liked some of my content Getting in the inboxes of people that I've started conversations with.
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Do you reach out to, like, let's say, a mentor, and ask like, hey, how do you prepare for a call?
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How best can I prepare for it?
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Really, because that's wrong.
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I don't know.
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I'm very much an independent person, so it's hard for me to ask for help, and I see that in all areas of my life.
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Um, so sometimes, when it's time to like I really need help, maybe I feel like I'm gonna be judged, um, that I'm like, why?
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Like, why is she asking for help?
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Is this is so simple?
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Everything looks so easy for everybody else.
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So when it's time for me to go to somebody that I know that has been through it before, I don't want them to like, feel like, oh, like, why does she not know how to do this?
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Like it's so simple.
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Right, right, it's the overthinking, it's the overthinking, it's like overthinking.
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It's the overthinking.
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It's like not just thinking about what, the step we're at now, but three steps ahead of, like, if I do this and this is what it's going to mean, and this is the cascading effect that's going to happen.
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And when you have that in multiple things, it can very easily trick us into not doing anything.
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Right, because everything isn't planned out.
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It's not all going to be perfect, like we haven't figured out how to prepare for a call before, right, but it's just kind of crazy because when we're in that moment of preparing for a call, if we have this thought of like I haven't been successful before, we don't actually go.
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Oh, so maybe I should ask somebody else who has been successful before.
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Right, we don't think about that.
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All we think about is us and how this is like just been something we've been continuing to try and we're never going to be able to get it.
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And then so we go out there, we take the actions.
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It's in alignment with somebody who has never tried anything new before, because they're not willing to try new things because their brain is stuck on well, I've never been successful before.
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It's crazy that that happens, right it's also the like uncertainty of not knowing if the system works 100%, 100%.
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So what do you think you're manifesting when you're doing those things?
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So it's time to prepare for the call.
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You have this story of like I haven't been successful before, why am I going to be now?
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And then it makes you feel defeated.
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You say you buffer, meaning you do other things.
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You go clean the house, you go create content.
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You said you do everything you can to avoid the preparation.
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You look for validation not internally, but outside right.
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You said you don't take the actions that you need to, you don't go through your tracker, you don't connect with new people.
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You say you don't reach out to people who are engaged and you don't reach out to a mentor or anyone else to ask for help around preparation.
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So what do you think you manifest?
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That this is never going to work.
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Right, right, and it's crazy, because that is not the truth.
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It's just what your brain is currently wanting you to believe.
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Why do you think it wants you to believe that this is never going to work?
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Do you want the teaching answer that I've learned?
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I would, whatever because if, obviously, if you, if you um convince yourself that this is going to work, what are some of the maybe difficult things that your brain doesn't want you to do that you know you need to do in order to create a business?
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it doesn't want me to do the action, it's just uncomfortable and it just wants me to stay comfortable and not it's like that flight by the flight type thing.
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It's like it's just trying to keep it comfortable and safe and that's where I it's kind of hard for me sometimes to like step out of that and to like no, I know that that's happening, but at that moment it's not what you think about.
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Yeah, 100%.
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So so give me an idea, okay, in terms of Nicole and the things that she's like, that you dread to do, that you're like I absolutely dread doing this right, those kind of like fear mechanisms that they throw out at you of like, oh, but you don't want to do this, you don't want to do that.
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So if you got out of your own way, what would you have to do?
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that you're scared completely of like having to take on.
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I guess it would be to reach out to those that I know that that want to help, that are there to help.
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It would be just stepping out of my comfort zone and getting into people's inboxes.
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I feel like it's it's hard for me because coming out of my comfort zone and getting into people's inboxes, I feel like it's it's hard for me because coming out of like a network marketing type stance and being taught to just email or DM everybody in the world and just talk to them and just feels so left.
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I don't want to feel like that, yeah.
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I don't want to feel like that and just being able to sit in and being patient with conversations and nurturing those.
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It's hard for me.
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I want quick results and sometimes it doesn't come quickly and then that's when it gets unauthentic and then it gets kind of weird down.
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There's when it gets unauthentic and then it gets kind of weird down there, like I'm not sure, exactly like I don't want, I don't want to go there.
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So can I bring something up?
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Because when you were talking about this, you were talking a lot about you wanting to be validated, which usually means that the opinions of others is really important to you, and so when you take those actions, when you reach out to people, when you invite them to what you're doing, when you sit down in front of them and you're having a conversation, they could feel like this is great, this is awesome, nicole.
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But they could also feel like this actually didn't help me thinking about that.
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Is that something you're worried about?
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Of like, what are other people going to think if I reach out to them, if I say this, if I take on a coaching session, if I take them through this, and this isn't that aha moment that they wanted to experience?
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100 yes so.
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So when we get to like, it might seem like I mean, the original one was like I haven't had success before.
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But the reason why our head voice picks these kind of like different stories to tell us is because there's a deeper one that we don't even want to touch, because we're so petrified of what's going to happen, Because if we get through the well, this has never worked before story right, Something else is going to come out in its place, because we didn't get to the root of it, and the root having to do with like, what are people going to think?
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What are they going to say?
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And even if I have a great session, I still have to check in with them to see if it was a great session.
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I can't determine it myself.
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I have to wait for the outside world to say that, and every time I put myself out there gives me another opportunity for somebody else to think something else about me.
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And so as long as we're constantly like, like, using that at the forefront of our mind of like, what other people think of me defines me is kind of like what our brain is telling us, then every head voice that we possibly can is going to come up to try and get us off track.
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But the beautiful thing is when you work through this head voice and you see what it is that it's trying to get you to do and we've talked about this.
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Right, it tries to get you to live small.
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It tries to get you to not do those things right.
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But there's been other areas of your life where maybe in the beginning it was a struggle for you.
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Maybe it was it meant.
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You were like I don't know what's going to like.
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I don't know if I'm going to ever be able to figure this out right, it could be with teaching.
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It could be with your health and fitness.
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It could be because anytime that something comes up that's different or something you want to like, challenge yourself to be able to accomplish, things are going to throw themselves at you and you're going to have the head voice that's going to try and keep you stuck and not have you do those new things.
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But you also have this place that we call the heart voice, right, which is this place of purpose, of potential, of hope, of possibility.
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Right, and whatever voice wins is the one that we give more of our time and attention to.
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Right.
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And so you've had times in life, my guess that you actually had this head versus heart and you decided to believe your heart instead of your head.
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Now, can you, can you give me an example of something where you did struggle through this thing and you were able to come out on the other side and now you have something completely different than what you had before you started?
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Well, I'd have to say, probably my health journey.
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Okay, tell me about it.
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I, all my life, grew up on the heavier side and had to work a lot through it, and had to work a lot through it, through a lot of struggle and being made fun of and judgment throughout my life, and there was a time where I said this is it and I need to do something about it.
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And I went full in and achieved the goals that I wanted to achieve and feel good.
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I feel good about that, and that's that's where I started wanting to help others, when I felt that I wanted to be able to help other people feel that, um, I started out with the health and fitness and then I got into the life coaching and I love incorporating it all, the whole holistic approach on it all, and I just want other people to feel good about themselves.
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Sorry, I'm taking notes here.
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When you said you went through a health journey, tell me what that looked like like.
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How much weight did you lose?
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tell me about that well, I lost about 130 pounds.
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Um felt amazing.
00:19:29.454 --> 00:19:33.039
It feels so good to be able to like move.
00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:43.260
There was times when I couldn't go out with my kids and walk with them and play with them, and they would ask me why I would just sit on the couch and not go out.
00:19:43.260 --> 00:19:48.317
I couldn't, and it was hard, it was a struggle and I knew there had to be a change.
00:19:48.317 --> 00:19:57.500
But I wanted to like see them grow up, um, so I took that leap and I was like I'm gonna do whatever it takes so I can be here for my family.
00:19:57.500 --> 00:20:06.878
And when I finally reached the goal that I wanted to, I was like this feeling is amazing.
00:20:07.800 --> 00:20:12.252
I want to just help people that are struggling too.
00:20:12.252 --> 00:20:16.655
I want I want everyone to know that it's possible for them.
00:20:16.655 --> 00:20:17.896
I want everyone to know that it's possible for them.
00:20:17.896 --> 00:20:19.178
I could do it, they can do it.
00:20:19.178 --> 00:20:42.974
I want people to have confidence in themselves and I just want to be a part of somebody else's journey and to know that they have someone they can go to and to lean on when times are hard Felt good.
00:20:42.994 --> 00:20:44.395
You think that felt good to me.
00:20:44.395 --> 00:20:54.105
First off, nicole, my friend, what a powerful transformation right, and I'm sure the first time you tried to lose weight it worked right.
00:20:55.266 --> 00:21:11.205
No, no-transcript like the lot like going into this current transformation.
00:21:11.486 --> 00:21:14.673
Yeah, the time when you're like that's it, this is going to happen.
00:21:14.673 --> 00:21:19.127
What changed between that time and the times that you had tried to lose weight before?
00:21:20.009 --> 00:21:32.049
The motivation, the, the, my family, the key piece that I wanted to make sure that I was here to watch them graduate and watch them get married and watch them go up and have kids.
00:21:32.049 --> 00:21:34.787
Thanks a lot, mark.
00:21:34.787 --> 00:21:45.266
Yes, that was my big motivator and before it wasn't because they weren't always around, it wasn't actually like they.
00:21:45.266 --> 00:22:02.655
I didn't have that growing up because obviously you have to have kids first, but there really was no motivator throughout my life as I was trying everything I could to transform in this way.
00:22:02.655 --> 00:22:09.359
But then, when I really started to think about it, and when it was, it was really a key moment.
00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:13.566
One of my kids I don't know which one was like why don't you play with us?
00:22:13.566 --> 00:22:18.211
And I was like shot in the heart.
00:22:18.211 --> 00:22:20.625
I was like, oh my God, I have to do something.
00:22:20.625 --> 00:22:21.567
I have to.
00:22:23.332 --> 00:22:23.492
Yeah.
00:22:23.492 --> 00:22:30.051
So I want to go back to what you're talking about related to business.
00:22:30.051 --> 00:22:51.027
Okay, because what you kind're talking about related to business, okay, because what you kind of talked about right there is you found the meaning, the why, your superpower in that respect, because I'm sure there was a lot of hard things that you had to do in order to lose 130 pounds, and it wasn't one day, it wasn't one book, it wasn't eating one good meal.
00:22:51.027 --> 00:22:58.993
Right, it was this collection of consistency, learning, growing, trying things, adapting.
00:22:58.993 --> 00:23:14.729
But it kind of sounds like it ultimately started with you actually making a decision, because a lot of times, like what I've heard a couple of different times, is you use the word try, of times, like what I've heard a couple different times, is you use the word try that last time you didn't try to lose weight.
00:23:14.729 --> 00:23:35.769
You made a decision that you're going to do it and you made a decision and you aligned it with your core values of and I'm doing this for my family, and so this is kind of like a way that we can tap into, like, um, what other people like experience or think of us, but in a way where it's actually our superpower, right, where we're like.
00:23:36.490 --> 00:23:37.252
Let me give you an example.
00:23:37.252 --> 00:23:55.111
All right Cause I'm going to ask you for a heart voice in a second is if your family is your superpower, then why can't we actually pull that over into your business and ask ourselves how is you know me showing up and me doing the things that I need to do when I'm uncomfortable?
00:23:55.111 --> 00:24:00.767
How does doing that actually set my family and my kids up for massive success?
00:24:00.767 --> 00:24:19.675
Not only because this is going to help us with financial freedom, not only because they're going to see their mom impact the world with her story, only because they're going to see their mom impact the world with her story, but what do you think is going to make possible for them when they see you, their super mom, their superhero, go, she can do it, I can do it too.
00:24:19.675 --> 00:24:23.402
What kind of impact do you think?
00:24:23.422 --> 00:24:24.944
that's going to make on them.
00:24:24.944 --> 00:24:36.166
It's going to show them that they can do whatever they put their mind to yeah, that they can believe in themselves and whatever they want to do, to go after it and to know they can do it.
00:24:38.388 --> 00:24:44.703
Now, when you say those things out loud, when you hear me describe this opportunity that you have, how does that make you feel?
00:24:44.723 --> 00:24:47.471
Empowered.
00:24:47.471 --> 00:24:48.662
It makes me feel good.
00:24:48.662 --> 00:24:53.645
It makes me feel good, it makes me feel capable.
00:24:54.567 --> 00:24:54.787
Yeah.
00:24:54.787 --> 00:25:17.343
So you're getting ready for a coaching session and your story is I have so much to offer, but the greatest gift that I have right now is to lean into what I'm capable of doing here, jumping in and coaching, because it's the greatest gift that I get to give my family, not only for financial freedom, but showing them what their mom can do and proving to them that they could do it too.
00:25:17.343 --> 00:25:20.884
And when you think that it makes you feel empowered.
00:25:20.884 --> 00:25:23.566
When you're empowered, what are some of the actions that you take?
00:25:26.840 --> 00:25:43.205
I do everything I can to to get done what I need to get done to help others and to move the needle forward and to get the results that I want to see Helps me to feel motivated.
00:25:44.721 --> 00:25:49.911
I love how you started, that you said I do everything that I can to be able to help others.
00:25:49.911 --> 00:26:13.910
Do you see how, when we're focused on, like, let's say, your mission right, of showing up as the mom that you truly want to, that it is the most selfless thing that you can do, because, in reality, it gets you to show up for your client the way that they need you, which is just, nicole, not overthinking not, oh my God, like, what am I going to do?
00:26:13.910 --> 00:26:14.843
But instead going.
00:26:14.843 --> 00:26:16.669
I have so much to share.
00:26:16.669 --> 00:26:30.770
I don't know how I'm going to do it in one session, right, it's going to be like I'm going to do whatever I possibly can to help this other person and let them make a decision on whether this is good or not, but I promise you, at the end I'm going to give it my all.
00:26:30.770 --> 00:26:51.842
And when you step into that level of confidence, like whether or not they decide to take it, or whether or not they, you know, say that it didn't work or whatever, I guarantee you, by doing that, you set yourself up for the best chance to be able to go in and help them and change their life forever.
00:26:53.023 --> 00:26:54.909
Because it's not about Nicole in that moment.
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