July 30, 2024
Danielle's Journey: Master the Art of Balancing Career and Family Life
Have you ever struggled to balance your personal and professional life, especially when those worlds collide? Certified life and performance coach Danielle Sweet joins us to share her transformative journey, illustrating how she expertly juggles her career as a registered nurse and life coach. From navigating a recent move to managing the emotional tug-of-war between her dedication to her job and her personal aspirations, Danielle's story is a compelling testament to the power of clear decision-making in achieving a harmonious work-life balance.
What happens when your sense of duty at work conflicts with your personal goals? In this episode, Danielle opens up about the profound internal struggles she faces, from setting boundaries to making potentially disappointing decisions. We emphasize the importance of recognizing and overcoming limiting beliefs, empowering yourself to take control of your actions. Together, we unpack strategies for having those crucial conversations with both family and employers, aiming for outcomes that honor both personal well-being and professional responsibilities.
Imagine forming a deep bond with a patient to the point where they depend on you more than their own family. Danielle's narrative takes us through the emotional and ethical challenges of setting boundaries in such intense situations. We discuss how her sense of responsibility often leads to overworking, sometimes at the expense of her own family. We offer practical advice on processing work-related stress and shifting perspectives to embrace leadership opportunities, helping Danielle—and our listeners—strike a balance between professional integrity and personal boundaries. Tune in to discover how proactive conversations and a positive mindset can empower you to show up fully for both your patients and your family.
Chapters
00:00 - Navigating Transition in Healthcare Industry
10:27 - Overcoming Decisions in Healthcare Transitions
17:47 - Balancing Patient Care and Personal Boundaries
30:30 - Empowering Transition Through Difficult Conversations
Transcript
WEBVTT
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It's time to redefine leadership.
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Welcome to Modern Leadership, where we see things differently.
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Our podcast is all about empowering entrepreneurs like you to achieve the next level of success in business and life.
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We believe that you can create a massive impact in the world without compromising your personal life or family time to do so.
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We're committed to providing you with actionable tips and strategies weekly to make that possible.
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So if you're ready to become a modern leader and make a lasting difference in the world, consider subscribing, turn on notifications and dive into our community.
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We want to thank you for being here, because the world needs your leadership now more than ever.
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Let's go.
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Hey everybody, welcome back to the show.
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I have a very awesome guest here today.
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Her name is Danielle Sweet.
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She's a really powerful coach.
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She's actually inside of our Master Coach Training Program and she is here to get some personal coaching from me.
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Before we do that, Danielle, could you just like tell the listeners a little bit about you, maybe what you do in your coaching business, and then we'll jump right into a coaching session.
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Yes, hi everyone.
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Like Mark said, I'm Danielle.
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I am a certified life and performance coach along with being a registered nurse full time.
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I do one-on-one coaching mostly, but I also work with those inside of the healthcare field and do more group coaching sessions around dealing with the emotional side of healthcare and just dealing with more of the personalities that come with patient care and what that all involves.
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But that is and what that all involves.
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But that is, yeah, mostly what I've gotten running so far and that's really what has brought me a lot of full circle moments in what I do with nursing and working with others through life coaching.
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Yep, yep, I love that.
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I love it so much.
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And we have a lot of nurses who are actually also life coaches.
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Right, it's crazy, what do you look at?
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But?
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But, um, I know we were kind of talking about offline right before we got started, but, um, how powerful it is to not only have the skill of life coaching but also being able to marry it up with, like your profession that you're doing, right as well as you know, starting and creating your own business, and this kind of person that you become because you've been able to develop that.
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I know we're kind of talking offline, but me personally, I would love to.
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If I get to the point, or when I get to the point, that I'm hospitalized, I'm like I want to have a nurse who also knows how to life coach, because it's really powerful when that person can connect and do the things that you know how to do.
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So I just want to say hats off for doing what you do.
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It is a very difficult thing, but also, when I think about, like, how you're changing people's lives because you know both, it just it brings a smile to my face.
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So thank you for doing that.
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Okay, so let's jump in, all right.
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So I'd love to hear if there's something that you're going through, something that can help you with when it comes to coaching, and it could be anything.
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It could be in your business, your personal life, your relationships.
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We could do it all here on Modern Leadership.
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So what's coming up for you right now?
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So currently, well, we've moved, my family has moved a couple hours from where we were before, but I am still commuting back once a week and doing my home health patients and I'm just having a hard time.
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I've kind of offered my services and to do this for my bosses.
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It's a very small company and healthcare workers are in high demand and low numbers in some places, and so I'm trying to do just do my best to help crowd as long as possible and I'm having a hard time finding a cutoff date as to when I want to be done traveling back and forth and settle into my new home home.
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OK, so I heard a couple of different things there.
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Let's see which one of these paths you want to go down.
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So when it comes to you saying I'm having a hard time with offering my services, let's explore that a little bit.
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What do you?
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What do you mean by that?
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oh, I mean, I I'm having a hard time as to when I'm gonna stop offering my service or stop.
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Uh, basically I'm working with her until I tell her that I'm, you know, done.
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I've she's known I'm moved for several months before we even moved, um, and so I'm just trying to help her out.
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She's also pregnant and due soon, so there's a lot of behind the scenes thing that um, yeah, so, so let's go down that path, okay, um, I guess it's the same path both, both two different paths, but actually is the same path.
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So when we're thinking about, like, um, you making a decision right, you're like I don't know, like when is the best time to like make this decision, so that I'm not doing this transition anymore?
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So I want you to take me back to the last time that you were kind of thinking about this and you were contemplating which decision to make.
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Can you think about, like the last time that you were actually having that Well, which one should I do?
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Kind of conversation in your brain?
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I guess it was probably last week.
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Okay, so tell me a little bit about it.
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What was going through your mind at that time?
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going through your mind at that time.
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Um well, my co-worker had mentioned, um, I had not made it to the last staff meeting, uh, due to the loop, um, and she had said that, uh, our boss had made the comment that I had not given a cutoff date yet.
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So she was unsure of everyone's patient load after the next month, and previously I had told her I would for sure be here through July but could possibly do the rest of the summer, depending on what she got for coverage as far as another nurse to work.
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Okay, okay.
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So let's go down that path real quick, because I want you to show I want to show you like what is actually coming up for you in this situation, but then also like what you're kind of manifesting or creating because of the just even the words that your coworker said about your boss, okay.
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So I want you to think about this Like we think about the facts, okay, and we're going to take you through, obviously, the push method, which is something we teach inside of the certification.
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Sometimes I'll do that on a coaching session, sometimes not, but I really think it's going to be powerful to take you through this, all right.
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So when you think about that, you're there's a meeting, right, and your boss and your co-workers are in the meeting, and your boss mentions that you haven't given a cutoff date.
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Um, so she's not really sure of everybody's patient load and what it's going to be like, just like real life kid stuff yes, real life hotlers that's all right.
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it's all right.
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This is how we do it.
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This is how we do it okay.
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So is how we do it Okay.
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So your, your um, your boss and um, some of your coworkers were in a meeting, all right, and your boss mentioned that you hadn't given a cutoff date yet.
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So she's unsure of what everybody's patience to load is going to be like until you actually do Right.
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So when she said that, like when you were, well, it's kind of like a little deep, but like what's the problem with her making that statement of that you hadn't actually mentioned your cutoff date?
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So we don't know what everybody's patient load is going to be, would you ask what my thought was.
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What was the problem with that?
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What's the problem with her actually making a statement about that?
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I guess because I feel like I had given her somewhat of a cutoff date, dependent on if she could find someone else to work.
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So I mean, at the latest she would have me until the end of August.
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So I feel like she has some sort of cutoff date.
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So what kind of sounds like it's coming up is like I gave her a cutoff date but it is tied to whether or not she can actually find somebody to take over my role.
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Does that sound about right?
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Yeah, okay.
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So so when you think about, like um, the, the story basically you're telling yourself is um, I can't come up with a cutoff date until we have somebody that takes over that position.
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How does that make you feel?
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Um?
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frustrated because, although I've given up part of my patient load, it was a very small part and she still has me admitting patients onto my current load with no plan of what she's going to do with them.
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Okay, okay.
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When you felt frustrated, what were some of the actions that you took?
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I vented to my coworkers.
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Okay.
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What did you tell them?
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Or her?
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What is our boss thinking?
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We currently don't have the nurses to really care for the patient load we have.
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With her going on maternity leave and me quitting, we don't have the staff now to take care of who we currently have.
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And now we're admitting even more patients on top of that.
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So what are some of the things that you didn't do?
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So when you felt frustrated?
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Right, so let's go back to the top.
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So your boss is having a conversation with your other coworkers and they're like, well, she hasn't get a cutoff date yet, so we don't know what everybody else's workload is gonna be.
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And your story was like I can't actually set a cutoff date.
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I have a temporary cutoff date, but we have to actually have somebody who's able to take over this position right before I can set it.
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It made you feel frustrated.
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We talked about some of the actions that you took when you were frustrated.
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What were some things you didn't do?
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I didn't ask my boss about it.
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I didn't tell her my feelings on my new admission list, or ask her what her plan is for my patients.
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Okay, what are some thoughts that you're having about this situation?
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Right, so you're like I want to come up with an actual date for me to leave, but your story is related to, but it's tied to whether or not she can find a replacement.
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It doesn't sound like she's in the process of finding a replacement, but you're feeling kind of frustrated because of this whole situation.
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What are some thoughts that you're having about it?
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I want out of it.
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Yeah.
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But I don't want to leave everyone else in a bind as far as coworkers and patients.
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How does that one feel when you say that out loud?
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Try not to cry.
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Yep.
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It's okay and you 100% can cry.
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But here's the thing, like when I know why you got into this profession right and I know that you have a heart for helping people, why you got into this profession right and I know that you have a heart for helping people, and what it feels like, but how am I going to, you know, do the things that's right for me and for my family?
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When I feel like I'm doing other people my coworkers and the people that I said that I was here to support that I'm just leaving them right.
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And so it's a natural response because now we're in these two really hard places which says, like, do I stand up for myself and then leave the clients, or do I stand up for the clients and leave myself?
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These are kind of like the decisions that our head tries to trick us into thinking that we need to make right.
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And when we see that it's kind of like this battle of what should I do, should I do this or should I do that, and it kind of feels like it's all a loss, it's because our head voice is trying to to take over and get us not to do the hard things, which is you've already kind of like, talked about it, having conversations like I don't, I don't know, I didn't, I didn't hear you say having a conversation at home either.
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Right, like, having a conversation with um people at home and having a conversation with you know all these?
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Because when, when our brain tricks us into thinking that, like, there's one right, best, only way, and that I can't set a cutoff until somebody else is in this position, otherwise I'm going to let somebody down, it won't actually allow us to find a different answer, right?
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So, when you think about those actions and inactions, in that thought spiral that you're going through, what do you think you're creating in this situation?
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When you're focusing on the story of like, well, I can't set a cutoff date until someone takes over my position.
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There's no cutoff date and my boss isn't gonna find someone to take my position until I give her one.
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Yep, yep, what one of the things like when we look at like the stories that we tell ourselves, there's kind of like the surface level story but then there's like the deeper story that's underneath, right, and, and a lot of times those deeper stories kind of like hit on our limiting beliefs.
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So when we think about a story of like I can't set a cutoff date until she has someone who takes over the position, it's kind of like saying, well, um, I've got to let somebody else take the actions before I could feel okay to kind of like make a decision right.
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And when we do that, it's kind of like this tug of war, because one of our, our desires as a human is to actually have control.
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I know it's like a false thing because you guys, you actually don't have control.
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You have control over what you can control, right.
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But when we kind of like give away that control of like hey, it's in her court, right, it makes us feel powerless and frustrated in all of these words.
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And then we'll go out and manifest it right, because if you look at the actions you said, some of the actions you didn't take, like you didn't talk to her about it, you didn't have a conversation with her about it.
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You didn't like talk about maybe how you could help train some other nurses, how, like there's like no of these, these new ideas or opportunities or things that you could do to actually make this happen.
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It's all focused on this very hard situation that you're coming to a conclusion on.
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So I know that when you go down this path, a lot of times people want to flip over to the hard voice, and I'm going to take you through the hard voice in a second.
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But before we do that, I want to ask you a couple of questions about what we call our head voice, because I want you to be able to process this a little bit.
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I know we process it a little bit.
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I feel like when we get a little emotional, it's because we're actually processing it all right.
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But I also want you to know that your head, your head, is designed to do this, to kind of keep you safe, because it doesn't want to make the decision, because it thinks there's no matter what there's a wrong decision, but there is a good decision.
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There's a good decision that will work for Danielle and work for them Right, and we've just got to be able to be willing to tap into that, but not before we understand why we're feeling this way.
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All right, so when we think about this story of like, I can't set a cutoff date until someone else has taken over the position.
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Like, how do you think?
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Like, why is your?
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brain trying to convince you that that's the truth.
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So they don't.
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My patients are cut off to you neither.
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Hey, I don't know what happens if you make a decision.
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I have to deal with a few tears and some disappointment.
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Okay, it would be better for home if I wasn't traveling two to four hours once a week and just getting to settle into a new job here.
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Yeah.
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So what would it, but what would you make a decision do to, and for your patients and for the people that you work with?
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Well, I don't think most of my patients would care all that much.
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I mean, they would still have a nurse Some of them I would get some tears and disappointment from.
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But they would also understand, and my coworkers would have answers about what their patient load would or will entail at some point.
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So what do you think is holding you back from making the decision of when?
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Can you ask me that again?
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Yeah, it's okay.
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I heard a lot of noise in the background and I heard a mom.
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I said what do you think is actually holding you back from making that decision?
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Like so, so we went down the push method, right, and we we learned, like one of the stories that you're telling yourself is like I've got to wait until she decides before I can decide, right, I've got to wait for her to get a replacement or her to figure it out before I do.
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And you're like well, no, it's the opposite way around, right it out before I do.
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And you're like, well, no, it's the opposite way around, right.
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But but one of the things that, like I want to get to is a little bit deeper is like what do you think it is that's actually preventing you from making the decision?
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And so I asked you like, when you make that decision, tell me a little bit about what some of the stuff is going to happen.
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And you told me all these great things that are going to happen, but you didn't tell me the thing that, danielle, that is holding danielle back from actually doing it right, because we try to sugarcoat it and go, well, it's gonna be so great for my family.
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But I can see the emotion in you.
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So me as a coach, I'm like no, no, we're not going there yet.
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We need to get to what is actually getting you to go, but I can't do it because of this.
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What is that?
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I think we're gonna go here, but I think it's my dying patient okay, so let's talk about it.
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What about him?
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um, he's a very private guy that has, um become quite attached to me as his nurse.
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Um, he confides in me and talks to me more than his wife, his son, anyone he lives with.
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He has made multiple comments about feeling abandoned, abandoned and specifically on weeks where I I was feeling ill or something happened and I couldn't go and see him due to his cancer status and all that jazz.
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But he's just made that comment a lot and I feel as if if I, if I, if I were to tell him I was done coming to see him, um, that he would give up what he has left and that, um, I also want him to go peacefully and when it's his time and I, I think for his quality sake, it is soon, um, but I also don't want to be the reason that he gives up anytime he has left with his family.
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Yeah, yeah.
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First off, thank you so much for sharing that.
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This is what I mean by like I want.
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I want a nurse like Danielle when I'm having difficulty with life.
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I'm sure at some point I'm going to have that Right.
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So so, when we think about a deep, like rooted belief, right, like we can have the stories about, well, I can't set a cutoff date until someone else takes over my position.
00:20:12.733 --> 00:20:23.367
But when we hit something deep like this, which it goes against some of our core values because I know your core values is just like having to do with, like being connected and helping and doing what you can on your part, right.
00:20:23.367 --> 00:20:42.253
But when the story we tell ourselves is, if I set up cutoff date, right, that I'm actually abandoning him or I'm abandoning my patients, like that is a very mean and dirty head voice that I'm sure gets you to feel a certain way.
00:20:42.253 --> 00:20:48.872
And when you feel like you're abandoning your patience, you probably take some actions that are in alignment with some of those.
00:20:49.339 --> 00:20:54.682
Sometimes it even could be that you're working so much that you actually abandoned your family, right?
00:20:54.682 --> 00:21:05.771
Because sometimes we think like, oh, if I feel like I'm abandoning my patience and I feel this way, then I'm going to overwork with my patience, but what you actually do is you abandon other people in your life.
00:21:05.771 --> 00:21:08.788
Right, because you actually manifest what you're thinking about.
00:21:08.788 --> 00:21:11.506
Right, and I know that's not what you want.
00:21:11.506 --> 00:21:17.567
Right, you're like like I want to be there for him, but I also want to be there for my family and I want to set up some boundaries for myself.
00:21:17.567 --> 00:21:18.865
Does that sound about right?
00:21:20.900 --> 00:21:32.117
Yeah, yeah so when we have this deep belief of I'm abandoning my patients, it gets us to have all of these accompanying other thoughts and give those thoughts even more power.
00:21:32.117 --> 00:21:50.671
Right, where it's like I can't make a decision because if I make a decision, that I'm abandoning my, my patients, especially this one right, this one patient which it kind of sounds like you're adding a lot of pressure on yourself in terms of, like you, having to do all of these extra things.
00:21:50.671 --> 00:21:57.440
Right, because you're a human and you care and you got into this for a reason, right, so your head voice is kind of using that against you.
00:21:57.440 --> 00:22:02.109
Now I want to find I want to find a little bit different of a spot.
00:22:02.109 --> 00:22:07.647
Okay, now your head is going to keep doing this, and the reason why is because it wants to keep you safe.
00:22:07.647 --> 00:22:17.867
It doesn't want you to have to make that decision, it wants to protect you, right, and so it's going to have you thinking about this in multiple different ways and having multiple different stories come up.
00:22:17.867 --> 00:22:33.852
But I also think there's a place over here, I know there's a place over in your heart voice that we could find that will help you not abandon your patience, but also respect your boundaries and your time and your family and respect your coworkers.
00:22:33.852 --> 00:22:42.171
It's just, we have to get good at being willing to ask those questions and to have those conversations to figure out what that would look like.
00:22:43.502 --> 00:22:46.584
Now, it always starts with our story, right?
00:22:46.924 --> 00:22:52.962
So it starts with the interpretation that we make about the outside situation, right?
00:22:52.962 --> 00:23:16.813
So the situation is that your boss mentioned that she had given a cutoff, that you hadn't given a cutoff date, so she's unsure what everybody's patient load is going to be Now, coming from a place like, let's just say, a place of curiosity, of you being like like I did such a good job there People are connected to me but also like I don't want to leave in a way that actually makes me feel like I abandoned them.
00:23:16.813 --> 00:23:36.849
Instead, I want to leave on the most great positive note possible, while also valuing my own boundaries, okay, so I want you to picture that you're having a conversation with another one of the nurses and she's going through that situation and she comes up to you and she's asking you like what advice do you have?
00:23:36.849 --> 00:23:46.426
Like I haven't set my cutoff date because I have this patient and I'm going through this situation right now and I don't know whether I should or shouldn't, but I actually haven't had that conversation yet.
00:23:46.426 --> 00:23:48.627
What kind of advice would you give her?
00:23:51.520 --> 00:24:02.432
To just ask what would be most beneficial out of two options that work for her.
00:24:04.361 --> 00:24:08.545
Yeah, it's kind of hard to separate yourself sometimes in those situations Right, Very hard.
00:24:08.545 --> 00:24:12.280
I can hear that you're, you're that you're still there, Right, and?
00:24:12.280 --> 00:24:14.204
And you came up with actions, right.
00:24:14.204 --> 00:24:20.824
A lot of people do give actions for advice, but I want you to dig a little deeper.
00:24:20.824 --> 00:24:32.585
All right, I want you to dig a little deeper because, with the action of, I want to ask what's just like the most beneficial and find out the options that work for her and for the company.
00:24:32.585 --> 00:24:36.666
There would be a belief, something that you would have to believe.
00:24:36.666 --> 00:24:47.450
Whether it's that you believe there's an answer out there, you believe there's a way to make this possible, there's something that you're telling yourself that would get you to feel a certain way.
00:24:47.450 --> 00:24:51.907
And when you felt that way, you would feel compelled to have that conversation.
00:24:51.907 --> 00:24:54.305
But you wouldn't just be having that conversation for lip service.
00:24:54.305 --> 00:25:01.912
You'd be like we're going to figure it out, but we need to find a story that we can tell ourselves that will fuel us to do that.
00:25:01.912 --> 00:25:05.628
So when I say that, what comes up for you?
00:25:09.342 --> 00:25:36.489
I guess I would remind her that her patients will understand that she's doing what's best for her and her family and that you're not abandoning them because there is someone will be taking your place and they are all capable nurses.
00:25:40.403 --> 00:25:42.269
When you say that, Danielle, how does that make you feel?
00:25:44.842 --> 00:26:15.299
At ease release some tension does that feel great or does that feel like, yeah, I guess that's okay no, it feels great, but if I continue down that thought, yeah, and and I mean we could definitely go down that that thought you said your patients will understand you're doing the best you are for you and your family and that you're not abandoning them because someone will take their place and they're all be capable nurses.
00:26:15.299 --> 00:26:21.511
That that is using a lot of logic in in it, which logic can sometimes work, right, it's like.
00:26:21.511 --> 00:26:27.282
But if we are, we don't feel the emotion that will get us to take actions that we need to take.
00:26:27.282 --> 00:26:31.520
We can still continue to reframe it and find a different way, right?
00:26:31.520 --> 00:26:32.343
So let me give you an example.
00:26:32.343 --> 00:27:03.048
Right, I'm not saying that this is something you need to think, but this is something that, having worked with lots of clients that I've kind of like have heard in situations like this, all right, and that is like, like, um, something to the effect of I am the leader, and because I am the leader, I will find a way to make sure that my patients are taken care of to the best of our ability, at the same time respecting my boundaries and my family, so that when I leave, I actually leave the place better than when I got there.
00:27:03.048 --> 00:27:21.417
And so when you find a story that's like, this is my greatest opportunity to empower some of the other nurses to find other people to be able to help, to maybe, like I don't know, have weekly Zoom calls with this guy, like when you have like a different like you know what I'm going to do.
00:27:21.417 --> 00:27:24.729
I feel like I'm like living on purpose.
00:27:24.729 --> 00:27:36.191
I'm gonna actually not only take this into my hands, make a decision on the cutoff date, but I'm actually gonna do these extra steps, whether it's like go visit him or zoom calls or whatever.
00:27:36.191 --> 00:27:38.842
Like those are some of the actions that can happen.
00:27:38.882 --> 00:27:48.570
When you're coming from this place of like, I will find a way to make sure that I live within my core values and it will fuel me to the ends of the world.
00:27:48.570 --> 00:27:52.090
I almost was going to say a cuss word, but YouTube doesn't like that and neither does podcast.
00:27:52.090 --> 00:28:07.289
But when you're like, I will find a way to make sure that I can succeed in both of these areas, that I take care of my patients on a different level and that when I leave that they're also like man Danielle was the best nurse ever.
00:28:07.289 --> 00:28:13.509
But also, I'm going to set them up because I'm going to share as much as I can with everybody else and every single one of my patients.
00:28:13.869 --> 00:28:17.909
I will hand off to someone meaning, oh, let me just talk to you a little bit about this patient.
00:28:17.909 --> 00:28:30.751
This is what they like, this is what they dislike, and even sharing your connection, your phone number, with them, like you will find ways that are outside of what you're currently thinking right now, but you have to be open to the story.
00:28:30.751 --> 00:28:31.560
That is possible.
00:28:31.560 --> 00:28:32.803
Does that make sense?
00:28:32.803 --> 00:28:42.872
Yeah, so so when I say that, um, how does that kind of like feel in your body versus what you had told me a little bit earlier?
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